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Divorce Recovery
by Dr. Bruce Fisher & Dr. Robert Alberti (from divorcemag.com)
Recovering from a divorce is like climbing a mountain, one challenging step after another. For most of us, it’s a difficult journey-but the rewards at the end of the climb are worth it!
Are you hurting? If you have recently ended a love relationship, you are. Those who appear not to hurt when their love relationships end have either already worked through a lot of hurt, or have yet to feel the pain. So go ahead, acknowledge that you’re hurt. It’s natural, expected, healthy, even okay to hurt. Pain is nature’s way of telling us that something in us needs to be healed, so let’s get on with the healing. There’s an adjustment process after a divorce – with a beginning, an end, and specific steps of learning along the way. While you’re feeling some of the pain, you’re more anxious to learn how to he healed. If you’re like most of us, you probably have had some destructive patterns of behavior for years – maybe since your childhood. Change is hard work. While you were in a love relationship you might have been comfortable enough that you felt no need to change. But now there is that pain. What do you do? Well, you can use that pain as motivation to learn and grow.
The steps of the adjustment process are arranged into a pyramid of “rebuilding blocks” to symbolize a mountain. Rebuilding means climbing that mountain, and for most of us it’s a difficult journey. Let us assure you that the climb is worth it! The rewards at the top make the climb worthwhile.
How long will it take to climb the mountain? Studies indicate that on the average it takes about a year to get up above the tree line (past the really painful, negative stages of the climb), longer to reach the top. Some will make it in less time, others more. Some research suggests that a few in our climbing party will need as long as three to five years. Don’t let that discourage you. Finishing the climb is what counts, not how long it takes. Just remember to climb at your own rate, and don’t get rattled if some pass you along the way. Like life itself, the process of climbing and growing is the source of your greatest benefits!
The rebuilding blocks are a guide and a map prepared by others who have already traveled the trail. As you climb, you’ll discover that tremendous personal growth is possible, despite the emotional trauma you’ve experienced from the ending of your love relationship. Beginning at the bottom, we find denial and fear, two painful stumbling blocks that come early in the process of adjustment. They can be overwhelming feelings, and may make you reluctant to begin the climb.
The good news is we humans have a wonderful mechanism that allows us to feel only as much pain as we can handle without becoming overwhelmed. Pain that is too great is put into our denial bag and held until we are strong enough to experience and learn from it.
The bad news is some of us experience so much denial that we are reluctant to attempt recovery - to climb the mountain. There are many reasons for this. Some are unable to access and identify what they are feeling and will have difficulty adjusting to change of any sort. They must learn that “what we can feel, we can heal.” Others have such a low self-concept that they don’t believe they are capable of climbing the mountain. And some feel so much fear that they’re afraid to climb the mountain.
How about you? What feeling are underneath your denial? Some people do not want to sign up for a divorce recovery seminar, because they feel that if they did, it would mean their marriage was over and they are not ready to accept that yet.
How do you handle your fears now that you have lost your love relationship? Do you want to hide? Find a lap to curl up in? And get away from the fearful storm? What do you do when you discover your fears have paralyzed you? Can you find the courage to face them so you can get ready to climb the mountain? Each fear you overcome gives you strength and courage to continue your journey though life.
Notice - Promotion & Advertising Committee
Good News Community will be starting up a promotion and advertising committee to get the word out about GNCI programs and activities. If you are interested in helping out with this committee, please contact a board member at a Monday night meeting.
We want to try to reach out to more people who could benefit from Good News Community programs.
Board Meetings
We have monthly board meeting open to the public. The meetings are held at 6945 Madison SE, a quarter of a mile south of 68th St. The meetings start at 6pm. Please click on the Calendar to find out this month Good News Board Meeting.
Volunteers Needed!
GNC is looking for several volunteers to fill some positions that have become open. Mary Lou Stawiski, who has been in the position Volunteer Coordinator for several years, is stepping down due to the upcoming birth of twin grandchildren. Some of the positions we are looking to fill include:
1. Volunteer Coordinator
2. Social committee - We need someone to assist Marie in planning and scheduling social events.
3. "Big Event" Coordinator - to coordinate the advertising of the "Big Event", a GNC all-area dinner dance which is held every 18 months. This job also involves being in charge of ticket sales for the event. This is a large job and is separate from decorating for the event.
5. Faciliator Training - to coordinate dates and people for facilitator training classes. This involves making some phone calls and copying facilitator training handbooks. Mary Lou will train for this position. |